I knew he was about to ask about my past life, but I had no idea what response I would have.

  “A mess huh? Like how?”

  “You know my parents got divorced. I didn’t take it well.”

  “Yeah? Is that why your mom doesn’t come anymore?”

  “Yep. She stopped going after the divorce.”

  Nate was quiet for a few moments. Then he chuckled. “Wow, it almost got too serious. Sorry, I just wanted to learn more about you. Maybe I should start with something easier. What’s your favorite color?”

  “Teal. Yours?”

  “Yellow. Your turn to ask me something. What do you want to know about me that you don’t already know? Anything?” He flexed his arms over his head, and I tried not to appreciate the view too much.

  “Nothing is off limits?” I looked out over the water.

  “Nope.”

  “Ooh, I need to think about this.” I splashed a little water up while I thought. I wanted to make it a good one. “What’s your most embarrassing moment?”

  “Wow, you don’t waste questions, do you?” He raised his eyebrows at me.

  “Nope. Spill.” He wasn’t getting off the hook that easily.

  “Um. I threw up during the Primary program when I was eight.”

  “That’s your most embarrassing moment? I’m pretty sure every kid has done something like that. Come on, you’ve got to have something better than that.”

  He dropped his head and covered his face with his hands. Then he stared out over the pool instead of at me. “Okay, once at a basketball tournament, I was late coming back from lunch, and this was a school I’d never been to before, and I walked right into the girls’ locker room because I was distracted by something on my phone. I was all the way in before they noticed me and started squealing.”

  I laughed. “Oh, yeah. That was good.” Those poor girls. Well, maybe not. If Nate came wandering into my locker room, I might be more pleased about it than I should be.

  “Your turn. You asked the question, now you have to answer it.” He splashed water on my legs with his foot.

  I thought for a moment. The time I’d been the most embarrassed wasn’t even my fault. It was my dad’s, but I didn’t want to go deep right now.

  “Once I was at a party, and my friend said something funny. I don’t even remember what it was, but I laughed so hard that I peed my pants.”

  “Well then, I shall avoid making you laugh.”

  “It only happened once.” I left out the part that I was completely wasted, but details weren’t necessary. Maybe that was a stupid story to tell him. If he asked more questions about that night, I might have to reveal more than I wanted.

  His fingers crept over mine, and my stomach buzzed.

  “How many boys have you kissed?” he asked with a half smile.

  Oh, I didn’t like this game at all.

  Chapter Eighteen

  My voice caught in my throat. I couldn’t answer that question. He had no idea what he was asking. “Pass,” I said.

  He nudged me with his shoulder “Come on, I promise not to make it weird. I, for one, have kissed zero boys, so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  I laughed. “That’s easy for you to say.”

  “Okay, then I’ve kissed four girls. Come on, your turn.” His eyes sparkled in the dying light. Four girls. Gosh, that was so innocent. He leaned closer, and I could smell his faint cologne. His face was so earnest.

  “Please,” he whispered.

  I shook my head. He leaned back and smirked. “Well, if you’re going to be that way. Are you a dog or cat person?”

  “Both.” I shifted my hand on the warm concrete and met something sticky. “Ew,” I said and lifted my hand up. Nate chuckled.

  “Jake’s been out here.”

  I sniffed my fingers. “Smells like Coke.”

  “That makes sense. He steals them out of the fridge sometimes and hides from Mom. She doesn’t like him drinking pop.”

  I dipped my fingers in the water and rinsed them off. Nate tugged on my other arm. “Scootch over a little, then you won’t risk hitting it again.” He didn’t move, so our legs were pressed right up against each other. He rested his hand behind my back. He was so close.

  He looked away. “Anyway, you can’t be both a dog and a cat person. Surely, you prefer one over the other.”

  “I don’t. I have a dog and a cat, and I love them both equally.”

  “What kind do you have?”

  “A teacup Pomeranian and a tortoiseshell cat.” They were my favorite critters in the whole world. I might’ve loved them more than I did my own mother.

  “Aren’t those tiny dogs?”

  “Yep, my cat outweighs him by like five pounds. It’s pathetic, actually. Especially when she tries to sit on the dog.”

  “Ooh, I want to meet these animals. Maybe I could come by after church tomorrow.”

  “Sure,” I said, trying not to show my nerves. Nate in my house. We were entering uncharted territory. “My turn. Do you prefer movies or TV?”

  “Probably movies, but I don’t watch a lot of either.”

  “What’s your favorite movie?” I asked.

  “Hey, that’s two questions. But I’ll answer it anyway. I like old movies. Wizard of Oz is my favorite, but I like Casablanca and Gone with the Wind too.”

  “No offense, but that’s weird.” No one our age should like movies that old. I hadn’t seen any of them. I tried Gone with the Wind once, but I fell asleep before the opening credits were even over. My mom was so disappointed.

  “Okay, then what’s your favorite movie?” Nate asked.

  “The Greatest Showman.”

  He shook his head. “Cheesy girl movie. Pathetic.”

  “What? I like the music.”

  He went quiet for a minute. “If you could only eat one thing the rest of your life, what would it be?”

  “Brownies.”

  “What about you?” I asked.

  “Kit Kats.” Well, we both loved chocolate. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Well, hopefully more than that.

  “You should be the one who likes brownies because then I could make them for you.” I liked the idea of spoiling him way more than I probably should.

  “Ah, I can make you brownies.”

  “You cook too? No way.” Yep. It was official. He was perfect. This was never going to work.

  He sighed. “Okay, so I can’t cook, but my mom makes awesome brownies, so I’ll just have her make them, and then I’ll pretend they came from me.”

  “Now, I know your secret.” I snorted. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

  “New Zealand. What about you?”

  “I was going to say Australia, but that makes it look like I’m copying off of you. Sounds like we need to start planning our trip,” I said.

  “We should. We can save up all of our money for the next several years and head to the other side of the world. After we visit Philadelphia and New York, of course.”

  “I’m down with that.” It was so odd that he was talking so far into the future. Like we’d still be friends or maybe even something more.

  He looked sideways at me. “Hmm. What do I want to know about Lauren?”

  I squirmed under his gaze, a little nervous what he might ask.

  “What’s a secret you’ve never told anyone?”

  “Going deep now, are you? I’ll need to think about that.”

  “Okay, you do that. I’m going to get us some ice cream. You up for that?”

  “Yes. But I don’t want boring ice cream.”

  He rolled he his eyes. “I live with Jake. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to find my own boring ice cream.”

  He splashed me one more time and then raced into the house. I thought. Secret? I had lots of them, but was there anything I’d never told anyone? I had secrets about other people, but did I have my own? Maybe my feelings about Nate—but I wasn’t telling him those. No way. I didn’t want to take the easy way out and tell him about the time when I was five, and I stole Pop Rocks from the store. That was lame. Nate deserved a real answer, but not anything too scandalous.

  I could tell him about the tattoo, but Nicki already knew about that. Besides, he would then want details on how I got the tattoo, and I couldn’t tell him. Oh. I know. It’s bad enough that he’ll believe me, but not bad enough that he’ll hate me for it. And it’s something I never told a soul.

  He came back with two massive bowls of ice cream. He handed one to me.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “One scoop of every flavor we had in the freezer.” He pointed. “Cookie dough, Mint Chocolate Chip, Bubble Gum, Vanilla, Strawberry Cheesecake, and my dad’s favorite, Chunky Monkey.”

  His bowl only had Vanilla, but with chocolate syrup. “You guys must really like your ice cream.”

  “We do. Did you think of a secret?”

  “I did.”

  “Spill.”

  I sighed. “I’ve never told anyone this before.”

  “Yeah, that’s the point.”

  “I was only thirteen, so don’t think too horribly of me.”

  “Just spit it out already.”

  “Okay, so we were doing a musical for our eighth grade spring play, and auditioning for the lead was by invitation only. They invited like six people to audition, but really, there were only two contenders. Me and Makayla Simmons. Anyway, when they were handing out the invites, Makayla’s got stuck on the back of mine, so she never got it. Instead of being a nice girl and giving it to her, I threw it in the dumpster behind the gas station on the way home from school.”

  “That was cold.”

  “I know.”

  “Did you get the part?”

  “Yep. And I didn’t even feel guilty.”

  He laughed.

  “You must have felt some guilt, or you would’ve told someone.”

  “I never told anyone because I didn’t want to get in trouble, and honestly, I forgot about it.”

  I thought about asking him the same question, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know Nate’s deep dark secrets. Mostly because I couldn’t believe he had any, and anything he said would make my real secrets look horrible. Instead, I asked him what his favorite book was. Lame, but I wasn’t ready to go deep.

  We continued to pepper each other with stupid questions. I loved learning all about him and revealing all the things about me that I thought were insignificant or irrelevant but Nate thought were fascinating. I had no idea how much time had passed, but Nate was threatening to throw me into the pool when his mom tapped on the glass and saved me.

  “Oh, that was close. Next time, you’re getting wet,” he said. He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it, and like before, he didn’t let go. He pulled me into the house.

  His mom didn’t even seem to notice us holding hands, but his dad’s eyes widened a little. It made me wonder what he thought. Was he just surprised, or did he disapprove? I hoped it was the first.

  Nate didn’t miss a beat. “I’m going to walk Lauren to her car.”

  Sister Myers nodded and slipped off her heels. We slid past the bishop. He looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t.

  Outside, I leaned against my car door, and Nate stood just inches from me.

  “I know this wasn’t an official date or anything, but I had fun tonight,” he said.

  “Me too,” I replied.

  He placed his hands on my car on either side of my shoulders and leaned closer. I swooned a little. He ducked down and whispered in my ear. “I wanted to kiss you tonight, but now that I know you’ve never been kissed, I want to make sure it’s special. Goodnight, Lauren.”

  He kissed me on the cheek and stepped away. My cheeks turned scarlet. I didn’t know how many guys I’d kissed. He’d be so horrified if he found out. My stomach soured.

  I didn’t even know how many I’d slept with.

  I slid into my car and slowly backed out of the driveway. He watched me go. I had to come clean with him at some point.

  But would he want me then?

  Would anyone?

  Chapter Nineteen

  I was almost late for church the next day. I stood in front of my closet debating what to wear and concluded that I needed to go shopping. I wanted to wear something that was cute but modest. Finally, I put on another one of my sleeveless dresses. It came to above the knees but not indecently so. The top fit nicely, and the skirt flared out. Maybe Nate would try to hold my hand again. What would Jessica say? Oh. Yeah. I didn’t really care.

  I stumbled over an empty suitcase on my way out of the closet. I had to find a better place for that. I looked around my room. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Geesh, maybe I should clean up a little. I glanced at the clock. Maybe later. I rushed out the door. An airplane flew high overhead, and the sky was bright and clear again. I hit a button on my key, and the trunk popped open. Oops. Wrong button. I slammed it shut. I was so freaking nervous and had no reason to be.

  I was worried about what Nicki would say. She would never let me live this thing with Nate down. Plus, she would want details on what was going on, but I didn’t know what was going on. Sure we held hands, and he almost kissed me, but I wasn’t sure if that made him my boyfriend. Ugh. This was impossible.

  I popped a piece of gum into my mouth just before the meeting started. This was so weird. I sat next to Jake, and Sister Myers reached out and rubbed my shoulder with a smile. I didn’t look up at Nate because I knew when I did, I’d blush like mad. The meeting started, and my thoughts turned to my feelings at church. It was still difficult for me to find the Spirit outside of church, but here, it came easily. The quiet happiness flowed through me every time I stepped through the doors. Even now, with my nerves on high alert because of Nate, I still felt at peace.

  During the sacrament prayers, I thought about my own progress. I wondered if God had forgiven me. I didn’t feel like it yet, but He and I had had plenty of heart to hearts. I looked up. There was a little girl sitting next to her dad in front of us. He was folding the program into something for her, and she watched intently.

  My heart tightened. My dad used to make me frogs and Pac-Mans. I was far from forgiving him, but I wanted to. I wanted to be able to talk to him about school, Nate, just life. My mom and I had never been close, but Dad and I used to be. He was the one I talked to, and I missed him.

  I said a silent prayer, asking for help in forgiving my dad. I couldn’t do it on my own, but if the bishop was right, and the Savoir had felt all the pain I had, maybe He could help me.

  After the sacrament, Nate put his arm around me when he sat down. It was so natural, like it might feel strange if he hadn’t done it. Sister Myers tried to hide her smile. At least she approved. I was still unsure of whether or not the bishop did. I didn’t look at the stand to see his face. I wiped my sweating palms along my skirt. This was just Nate. I had zero reasons to be nervous.

  Jessica sniffed loudly in the pew next to us, which was exactly what I was afraid of. Maybe things with Nate were normal, but everyone else would be talking about us.

  Jake climbed up into Nate’s lap, sat up on his knees, and put his hands on Nate’s cheeks. He was nose to nose with him.

  “Nate,” he said in a whisper, as the first speaker started. “I have to ask you a serious qwestion.”

  “What’s that?” Nate asked with a chuckle.

  “Are you gonna marry Oren?”

  I sucked in a breath, but Nate was as calm as anything. Here I was trying to figure out if Nate was my boyfriend, and his little brother was asking him about marriage. Talk about a massive jump. I wondered how he would recover from that.

  “I don’t know, buddy. I gotta go on my mission first. Then I can think about marriage.”

  Jake frowned and looked down at his little hands. Then he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Nate. “I asked Mama this morning if I could marry Oren, but she said only if you don’t. So I got to know if I can marry Oren or not.”

  I had to hold back a giggle, but Nate didn’t react. It was as if everything with me was so normal for him. Like Jake asking about marriage was no big deal.

  “Is that so? Maybe you should ask Lauren.”

  I glared at Nate. I had no clever response for a question like that. Forever with Nate. It seemed so far away, but I knew that in reality, people only a couple of years older than me were already tying the knot. Not just a church marriage. We’re talking forever. Eternity. Oh gosh, was I thinking about that? No, I was not. We were far from forever. I hadn’t even kissed him yet. Heck, even Jake had given me sloppy kisses.

  Jake stared up at me with those adorable blue eyes of his. “Oren, can I marry you?”

  I thought for a second and zipped up his tie for him. “Sounds like that’s up to Nate.”

  “Ugh,” Jake said and threw his hands up. He scrambled over to his mom.

  Nate gave me a grin and tugged me closer to him. I watched Jake and his mom whispering, mostly to distract myself from how close Nate was to me. Jake told his story with wide-armed movements, and his mom had to tell him to be quiet at least three times. At the end, he gave her a big hug.

  Someday, I want to be a mom like her. To have the sheer trust and love from both her toddler and teenager was no small feat.

  “You know, there’s no school tomorrow,” Nate spoke low in my ear.

  “Oh yeah, I’d forgotten.”

  “Do you want to go hiking with me?”

  I nodded. Then I tried very hard not to be distracted, but he traced circles on my upper arm with the tips of his fingers, and my mind very quickly went to things that were most certainly not appropriate for church.

  I jumped up immediately after the closing prayer and reached for Jake. I didn’t look back at Nate, as I rushed Jake off to nursery. I was the last one to Sunday School, and I took the only remaining chair, which was on the end, next to Nicki. Not anywhere near Nate and his distracting fingers. The teacher was still in the hallway talking on the phone.

  “No school,” Jessica said just after I sat down. “We should do something.” She deliberately avoided my eyes, talking to everyone else sitting there.

 

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